The Journal
by Star Shadow and Dark Stratos
Summary: What happens when Seifer finds a journal on his bed one night and starts reading it? Why does it seem to help him when he least suspects it?... -.- I really suck at summaries.
1. The Journal

Star Shadow: Hiya people!

Dark Stratos: How are you all?

Star Shadow: This fic starts out a little weird, but it will get better in the later chapters. The rating will most likely go up too. This is just a test chapter. If I get people telling me that they don't like it, I'll take it down.

Dark Stratos: There is also the review thing. If we get no reviews, we also take the story down.

Star Shadow: Please enjoy and review!

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The Journal

Seifer punched in the code to his room at the Balamb Garden. He closed his door slowly and locked it. He'd been back at the garden, with Squall's good graces, and had been back for three weeks now. He had already determined that he shouldn't make any of the teachers or SeeDs mad and had been keeping up with his studies, but it wasn't enough. His reputation as the sorceress' knight held too strong. No one wanted anything to do with him. Not only that, but people feared and shunned him.

He walked over to his dresser where Hyperion's case leaned. He opened it with pure determination in his eyes. Now all he needed was to write a note telling the world that he'd be gone and they could all go to hell. He found a pen easily enough and only needed the paper. He cursed at himself softly when he realized he had left it all in his desk.

Go figure. The one thing he needed and he left it in that damned classroom. He looked around his room one last time. If he couldn't find a piece of paper he could always write it on the wall. At least he'd go down knowing he had vandalized school property. That's when he spotted the notebook on his bed.

Smiling sadistically, he walked over to it. There was something strange about it. It wasn't one of his notebooks, and he didn't share his room with anyone else. It seemed simple enough, but it was strange. It was a three-ring notebook with a plastic see-through cover. The tinted plastic made it impossible to see that was writen on the first page, but whatever it was it was writen in blue highlighter.

He opened it out of curiosity. _Might as well read it,_ he thought. He smiled at the beautiful calligraphy on the page. Someone had tried very hard to make it look nice.

From the place

Where hearts roam

Free,

Journal

For the soul with

No bounds and

Endless imagination,

To live is to dream.

Rachel Coley

Seifer smiled and turned the page. Whoever had writen this was deep. The handwriting stayed the same beautifully carved letters as before, but it was a bit messier than before The purple ink shimmered up at Seifer with a small twinkle.

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Isn't it strange that a gift can be an enemy?

Isn't it weird that a privilege can feel like a chore?

Maybe it's me, but this line isn't going anywhere,

Maybe if we look hard enough we can find a back door.

Find yourself a backdoor.

I see you in line, dragging your feet.

You have my sympathy.

The day you were born, you were born free.

That is your privilege.

Isn't it strange that the man standing in front of me

Doesn't have a clue why he's waiting, or what he's waiting for.

Maybe it's me, but I'm sick of wasting energy.

Maybe if I look in my heart, I could find a back door.

Find yourself a backdoor.

I see you in line, dragging your feet.

You have my sympathy.

The day you were born, you were born free.

That is your privilege.

-Incubus

The handwriting then proceeded to skip lines and Seifer wondered what the words meant. For some reason he felt compelled to read further and put Hyperion back into it's case.

__

Ah yes, the song speaks true. No matter how free you appear to be, in reality, it's all fake. We are all chained in line. Waiting for something without cause… Wow! I didn't know I was capable of being that deep!

Okay! This is the first journal I've ever kept, so I'm sorry if this is totally lame. My name is Rachel Coley, age 15. I have curly and unruly brown hair and hazel eyes. Well, they change colors from blue to green, but since that's not a single color most people just say that they're hazel. I'm rather short and have a happy disposition. I like new rock and J-pop. That's about all I ever listen to. I have 2 younger sisters named Melissa and Lauren. Melissa's 11 and Lauren's 9.

Scary thought. 9/11... It was not the best day. The day the planes crashed into the world trade center. I watched the twin towers fall on TV, and cried as all those innocent people lost their lives in the acts of terrorism. The counter-attack is still going on today. It's called 'Operation: Iraqi Freedom.' Originally it was called 'The War on Terrorism'. Go figure. To eliminate terrorism we run in and go to war. Whoa… Way off topic. Oh well. I'm spontaneous. It happens.

Seifer found himself laughing at the girls sudden realization and at her joke. He could fully understand the humor in starting a war that killed millions to stop terrorism. The irony of it all was what he found the most humorous. The more he read the more he wanted to meet this 'Rachel' person.

__

People always look at me strange when I do that, or for one reason or another. It's always 'What's with the trench coat?' or 'You like what?' or my personal favorite, 'You hang out with those freaks!?'. I really don't understand what's with people and their stereotypes. I've never judged a book by it's cover. Everyone just has different views, I guess. If one looked past all the differences that often cause hate or fear they could see the bigger picture and at the same time see that nearly the entire population is reaching out for others.

Did you know that that's one of the bigger reasons that teens and elderly people commit suicide? That's normally the main reason. People often feel, or are so alone that they have nothing to live for, or have no one to stop them from taking their own lives.--

Seifer stopped mid-paragraph. That really hit a sensitive nerve. How could she be so right and insightful? She was younger than him! Wondering what else she had to say on the subject, he continued reading.

__

--I was like that once, but it was because my life was messed up and totally worthless. I figured out a reason to live though. I'm not ready to write about that yet though. Since then however, I've stopped people from doing what I almost did. To prove to them that they mean something is this world is the hardest part of helping.

__

Well, that's all for now. I have to take some tests tomorrow and it's already 3 in the morning. I'll write more soon.

~Rachel Coley

Seifer closed the book and laid down with the words running through his head. He began wondering more and more about this mystery person. She seemed interesting enough. She even wore a trench coat. That almost made him laugh. A girl in a trench coat.

Oh well. Whoever she was, she had kept him from killing himself with her words and thoughts. She even gave him a different view on people. Not even Squall could do that.

He smiled as he got up and grabbed Hyperion. He pulled on his coat and headed to the training center, not caring how many people sneered or cowered at the sight of him. He began to wonder if Rachel had this affect on everyone.

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Star Shadow: I hoped you liked the first chapter!

Dark Stratos: Please Review!


	2. The Girl

Star Shadow: Wow! Some people really liked this!

Dark Stratos: *in mono-tome* Surprise surprise. Well here's chapter two. Enjoy. Remember read and review.

Disclaimer: I own this can of soda I just bought, but I don't own anything else.

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Seifer walked back from his training session with a smile on his face. Letting out all of his aggressions on the new monsters they had gotten in the training center made him feel as good as he had before he'd gotten in there, well…minus the blood and grime. He was all around happy, even if it was three in the morning.

As he walked down the main corridor to his room he saw a teenaged girl leaning over the railing of the artificial pond that surrounded the elevators. She was smiling happily with her toes barely touching the ground. Her messy brown hair was slung over one of her shoulders and her green eyes sparkling happily. One of the more notable things about her was her black trench coat.

"How's it going, Seifer?" she asked as he walked past. She didn't even bother to look up at him.

"Just fine, thank you," he replied. Things were definitely looking up for him now. He continued walking down the hall wondering how the girl had known his name. He dismissed it as his fame. He then thought about the girls appearance. She looked about fifteen. She really fit the description of that girl who'd written the journal… Actually, she fit the description perfectly…

Seifer turned back to where he'd seen the girl less than ten seconds ago and saw no one. He stared in disbelief. He would have heard anyone walking away from that spot with the silence that had captivated the garden at this hour, so where was she? He stared at the last place he had seen the girl.

Seifer turned and walked to his room, dismissing the girl as a product of his imagination and fatigue. There was no way that this girl could be the same one who had written in the journal. After all, the dates referred to in the notebook were ancient.

As he stepped into his room another thought occurred. What if the girl had been a ghost? That was a very high improbability, and he refused to believe it. He decided to go with fatigue as his answer. Seifer Almasy did _not_ believe in ghosts.

Sighing, Seifer turned on the shower and waited for the water to heat up. Deciding that the water was hot enough, he peeled off his grime covered clothes and tossed them haphazardly on the hard tile. He stepped under the scalding water and thought about the journal, Rachel, and the mysterious girl he had just seen. She seemed different and didn't judge him, that also reminded him of Rachel. The more he thought the more complications arose.

He turned the water off abruptly and he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist while finding another for his hair. He stepped over his filthy clothes, suddenly wondering how he had managed to wear them. This also made him think about how many monsters had run from him for nothing but his stench.

Gingerly, he picked up the clothes and tossed them into the dirty clothes hamper by his deck. That's when he saw the notebook again. With his second towel settled on his shoulders, he sat down on his bed and began reading again.

Hello again!

I just took my mid-terms. That was fun, not! Two days of straight testing. Ech! That was so hard. I think that next time I'm not gonna study. That always seems to make the testing easier, ya know? Okay, so maybe you don't know, but that's okay. Well anyway, I was taking one of my AP English II test and suddenly the pencil in my hand started marking down the answers by itself! It really creeped me out. I checked the answers that had been marked down and guess what!? They were all right! I was really surprised. I mean, wow! This just proves my theory that there is a ghost that haunts classroom 217 b.

Oh well. It's not like that's the first time that something like this has happened. At my last house the doors would open by themselves. And when the builder was building the house, the equipment would start moving by itself. If that wasn't cool enough, the builder had to hire three new crews before the house was finished. That house was said to have been built on an Indian Burial ground. Another cool thing about that was that on the solstices, I could hear chanting and once, I even saw a real sprit dancing in full warriors garb. It was so cool!

Seifer thought about this carefully. So Rachel believed in ghosts. That was an interesting concept. He began to wonder if the notebook was trying to tell him something, but dismissed it. He was reading the journal from the beginning, so how could it know what he would be thinking and arranged itself in the correct order. He shook his head and continued to read, thankful that he didn't have classes that day, lest he have to put the book down.

Here's another ghost story that I think is true. When I was six or seven I had a friend named Karen. She was always really nice and sweet. One night she was scared and went to her parents room. Nothing creepy about that, right? Well, continuing, Her parents wouldn't wake-up and make room for her, so she decided to go to the bathroom. She went and got a drink and thought she saw a white flash in the mirror. When she turned around, there was nothing there.

After going back to her room and getting back into bed, she was the white figure walking down the hall towards her room. The person looked beautiful. Karen wasn't scared when the woman came up to her and smiled softly. The two started talking and did so for long time until Karen was tired again. The woman smiled and gave her a kiss on the forehead and told her to sleep tight.

As the pure white woman turned and floated down the hall, Karen saw a large red stain in the back of the woman and a butcher-knife in the center of the stain. Karen, miraculously, slept safely though the night.

The next day, her mother was looking though a photo album and Karen started to look though it with her mother, that was when Karen saw an old photo with the woman in it. Karen asked who it was and her mother explained that it was her great-grandmother who had been murdered by her husband. He had killed her with a butcher-knife in the back.

Seifer almost closed the book. Why should someone believe in a ghost story told by a child? It wasn't like she had seen the ghost herself. He decided to keep read though, it didn't matter if the tale was real or not. It would make a good ghost story none the less. 

I believe Karen with the story of the ghost for more than one reason. I believe in some of the super-natural being that are on this plane, and my other reason for believing her was because that nihgt I had to use the bathroom too. Through my bathroom window, I was the unnatural white being float down the hall with that red smudge in it's back. I, unlike Karen, did not fall asleep peacefully.

Well, I have another day of school tomorrow! I have to go now because it's… ACK! I have to get up in TWO HOURS! Laters!

~Rachel Coley

Seifer closed the book with a slow smile. So she really had seen the ghost. What a twist of unlikely events. He went to his dresser and put on a clean boxers and climbed into bed with a yawn. While turning off the lights, he decided to search the library for some older references to see if he could find a picture of Rachel to prove to himself that she wasn't the girl he had seen earlier that morning.

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Star Shadow: Ooh! Wow! That was longer than I had intended.

Dark Stratos: I know…

Star Shadow: Just so you people know these journal entries are important, and for the most part true. I have to change some names and ages, but I really do have two sisters ages 9 and 11.

Dark Stratos: We also support the troops that are overseas. If you want more chapters. Remember, read and review.


	3. The Radio

Star Shadow: As promised, I'm updating on my B-day! Now for those of you who have been following the story this is where the journal entries start to become partly fiction.

Dark Stratos: Yeah, she's never been on the radio before, but most of the stuff is true. It will change a bit after the next two or three chapters.

Star Shadow: Okies! On with the fic!

Disclaimer: I only own my notebook, my ideas, and me now, but someday I will own squaresoft! Just wait and see!

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The Journal

Star Shadow and dark Stratos

Chapter Three: The Radio

Seifer sat in one of the garden's classrooms becoming more and more frustrated by the second. As he typed commands into the computer it became painfully obvious that his search was going to be more difficult than he had originally planned. It seemed that the harder he looked for Rachel the more elusive she became. He growled in frustration as more problems arose.

So far all he had managed to find was that she had been a student of a Memorial High School. This didn't seem like much help to him. He had, at first, been very happy to see that he had found her until a thought struck him. There could be thousands of Rachel Coleys. So after hours of searching he was still virtually empty handed.

"Umph," was all he said as he hit his head on the keyboard in front of him. This just couldn't be his day. He was tempted to whine about how unfair it all was, but decided against it, especially since Zell and Quistis were in the room. He suddenly sat up and rubbed his face before looking back at the slow computer's screen. "I _can_ do this," he mumbled to himself.

He began to type quickly again. This was becoming quite a little obsession, and an infuriating one at that. His brow creased as he attempted to find Rachel yet again becoming oblivious to everything else. He didn't even notice Zell and Quistis staring at him as he worked.

"He's been doing that since six," Quistis frowned. She was one of the few who had accepted Seifer after he came back. They were still a bit distant with each other, but he really was pretty good. "There aren't even classes today and I'm sure that I didn't give any homework."

"What do you think he's doing?" Zell asked. Secretly, he wished he could type as fast as the older teen. He was going at an almost impossible pace.

"I'm not sure," she responded looking at her student as he growled in frustration yet again. She was beginning to wonder if that was good for his health. "I've never seen him work so hard on something like this before. That includes fighting with Squall over grades."

Suddenly, Seifer grabbed the headphones that he kept at his desk, put them on, and went back to typing. Both Quistis and Zell felt suddenly horrid about talking about his while he was in the room and interrupting him. They didn't know, however, that Seifer had only put them on to hear a clip of what might be the girl he was currently searching for. He clicked play and listened to the sounds seeing as it had no picture.

__

"Hello! This is Rachel Coley!" said a familiar voice.

"And Megan Hynes with--" another said.

__

"Conversations of the Pointless!" they said together. Seifer resisted the urge to laugh. This sounded more than entertaining.

__

"Today's topic," Rachel's voice said, _"is... Erm... Why doesn't this show ever have a topic?"_

Seifer couldn't help it. He snickered.

__

"That's a good question. A question that we think we have the answer to," Megan said.

__

"Well," Rachel said. _"First off, topics are boring and people never seem to stay on them anyways. It's like the first time I tried to ride my bike. I could never stay on it or on the road. I always got hurt back then. But I didn't know how to ride my bike then. I'm learning to drive my uncles sports cars now."_

"Really? Were you the one who was doing the pin-point turns in the school parking lot who left tire marks all over... the... Oh God! We've already gotten away from what we were supposed to be talking about!" Megan yelled.

Rachel held in a fit of giggles. _"You're twitching."_

Megan cleared her throat. _"Right. Now then another reason this show never seems to have topics it that-- Rachel! What are you doing!?"_

"Um... Dancing?" she supplied innocently.

__

"God must be testing me."

"But I thought that was last week."

"Continuing--"

"You're twitching again Mei-chan. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yet another reason we can't seem to stay on topic is--"  


"Hey look! This red light is blinking." Rachel said with a hint of excitement.

__

"Don't click the button... yet..." Megan said, but it was too late.

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"Hello," a new voice said. _"Is this Conversations of the Pointless?"_

"Can't you tell?" Megan moaned.

__

"I was just wondering how much sugar Rachel has before each show, because I know she isn't always that hyper."

"You're right," Megan said. _"Sometimes she's really calm, but you see, three cans of vanilla frosting with candy sprinkles in it seemed to have disappeared from the teaches lounge and she now has six empty bottles of Ramune around her. I swear she's gonna be diabetic someday. Come to you own conclusions."_

"Back to the topic!" Rachel said happily. _"Another reason we never seem to stay on the thingy is that we have loooooooooooads of sugar before coming in or I do and well... You people know how it is!"_

"Or they should by now anyway. If you listen to the show and know nothing about the joys of hyperness, you really need to find her on a dangerous sugar induced high. It's entertaining. It's also one of the reasons a lot of our teachers like Rachel in the class. She can make their bad days good according to some," Megan said.

__

"Hey Mei-chan?"

"Yes Raye?"

"We're staying on topic. Are we supposed to do that?"

"Uh... Let's go to the callers. Hello. You're on the air," Megan said.

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"Yes," said a male voice, _"I have a question for Rachel."_

"That's cool!" she said. _"Next caller!"_

"But you don't--" he was cut off.

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"That wasn't like you," Megan said sounding slightly shocked.

"Nope! That was Todd," Rachel said. This caused Seifer to sputter violently.

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"Oh," was all that was said in response. _"I believe that your actions have just been justified... For all of you people out there, this guy has been stalking me for months. He's also been trying to weed out info from little Raye-chan... here..."_

"Weee! Look Megan! The chair spins!" Seifer sputtered again.

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"Yes, the chair spins. Now then the men in the white coats will be here to take you away shortly," Megan said soothingly.

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"ACK! I'll behave."

"Well," Megan said. _"I am sorry to say that the men in the coats have come a bit too soon."_

"Until next time," Rachel said. _"I'm Rachel Coley."_

"And I'm Megan Hynes. And this has been another installment of--"

"Conversations of the Pointless!" They finished together. A song began to play then it faded.

Seifer was now positive that this was the girl whose journal he possessed. He smiled. He had finally gotten somewhere. He was looking at the notebook in his lap and he wrote down what clues he had gathered from that little show in it. He also wrote down the other girl's name: Megan Hynes. Perhaps he could find more out about Rachel through her. The strange thing he had found out about this was that this had been recorded about half a millennia ago.

Seifer looked back to the screen. That was when he saw that Zell was leaning on a nearby desk and that Quistis was with him. They were both giving him a questioning look. This couldn't be good. He had completely forgotten about them. He closed his notebook and turned off his computer. Suddenly his stomach started to grumble.

He stood up slowly and collected his things and Rachel's notebook. After he was sure that everything was in its place he walked out of the room and to the cafeteria. He bought a small snack and sat down at a secluded table. It wasn't so bad as it used to be. People used to leave any area where he sat. Now they only avoided sitting at the same table as him. Perhaps they would one day be willing to sit with him.

Seifer let out a small huff of air that would have been a laugh had his voice been put into it as he thought of who he was probably acting like. Blind optimism was not one of his normal traits, so that must mean that it was one of hers. She really had a way of rubbing off on him without ever meeting him. With this in mind, he opened her journal and read. He had the feeling that many saw it as him studying.

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Hello again!

If you're reading this that must mean that I'm either interesting or you have nothing to do. I know the feeling. I get it all the time. It can be really annoying, ya know? Sometimes I can be pretty annoying too.

Well anywho, I'm in one of those bored mood where I don't really have anything to write about, but at this point I just want to write. It's very strange. I don't have much to write about. Erg.. Ha! That's a funny word.

I have this friend named Megan (don't ask why I'm writing about this, I don't really know why) has this guy named Todd chasing after her. He was cool at first and I didn't judge him because that just doesn't feel right, but now it's kinda getting creepy. He knows about everything she's doing. Normally I would give him attention and try to help him out and I know I'm being a little hypocritical, but there's something about him I don't like. He's been calling me to know more about Megan and the worse part is that he's twenty-one! Mei-chan (that's her nick-name by the way, but people also call her Akio) is only a few months from being a year older than me. Maybe he'll lay off in a bit. 

Seifer re-read that. Megan and Todd were the people from the clip he had listened to. He had thought that it had been a little weird that Rachel, who seemed nice and liked to see people in a good light from what he had read, had just hung up on him. He was beginning to understand why though. It was a bit strange for a man of twenty-one to be stalking a sixteen-year-old.

__

On a lighter note, I get to be on a radio show with Mei-chan! It's going to be so much fun! We don't really get to start for another few months, but I'm still excited. Yay!

Here's the story behind it. We (Megan and I) were talking at lunch today and it turns out that there was this guy patrolling the cafeteria. We were being out random selves and he come up to us and asks what we were talking about. We were talking about peach tea at the time and how she always used to spill it all over her lap and how we called that pulling a Megan and how I always managed to put down bottle of something or other and manage to make it hop out of the bottle and spill. That's called pulling a Rachel by the way. We managed to get from there to how boy bands and pop stars were getting a bit perverted and from there we got to pianos. I still don't remember how. Well, he said that he liked how we did that and he told us about this empty spot on his radio station. Both our moms approved and so in a few months people will be listening to us making comments on everything.

Oh yeah! I don't think I've written about my dad yet. He's a jerk. A really big one at that. He and Mama are going through a divorce. He's said that by the time that this is over he's going to make sure she doesn't have a single penny. He's been making extra court dates and he's been rather mean. He has been a drunk longer than I have been alive. He's abusive too. He beat Mama up and sometimes me too. But that okay with me because I was defending Melissa and Lauren. I made sure that he never hurt them.

Seifer realized something odd about the way she referred to her father. While she called her mother 'Mama' she only said 'my dad' when writing about him. It also made him wonder why someone would beat his or her family. It just didn't seem right.

__

Oh well. You never know what's going to happen sometimes. Summer is starting in about a week! Yay! I can't wait! No more tests! XD

Until next time,

~Rachel Coley

Seifer smiled as he closed the notebook. He was now certain that he had found the right Rachel on the sound clip. He was at least getting there. Although he knew if he searched it for more clues it wouldn't feel right. 

"Um..." Seifer looked up at a blonde girl who was holding a tray. "W-would it be alright if I sat here?"

After resisting the urge to gape openly at the question he smiled and moved some of his notebooks over. "It's nice to see that I have company for once," he said with the same smile on his face. Who knew? Perhaps things could be looking even farther up.

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Star Shadow: I hope you liked it! Remember chapters come out faster with reviews.

Dark Stratos: She's had a writers block for a while and the best way to help her over it is lots of encouragement. Thank and remember, r--

Star Shadow: CHICKENS GO MOO!!!


	4. The Mask

Star Shadow: Okay I know it's been awhile--

Dark Stratos: Awhile? Try over a month.

Star Shadow: *glares* But I'm going through some writers blocks an--

Dark Stratos: I'd say!

Star Shadow: *glares again* And I know what the last few chapters are going to be, bu--

Dark Stratos: She doesn't know how to get there, so you'll have to give her a bre--

Star Shadow: *smacks him with her giant war fan* Stop interrupting!

Dark Stratos: X.x *ish smacked*

Star shadow: *mumbles about a stupid spirit muse* Anyway, here's an update. Sorry if it sucks. My muse won't get off his lazy ass. I'm also upping the rating to PG-13.

Disclaimer: For the Revolution of the World! Nope! Don't own 'em... Or that quote...

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The Journal

Star Shadow and Dark Stratos

Chapter Four: The Mask

Seifer took a deep breath as he relaxed on the second floor balcony, the ocean's wind ruffling his hair as the garden flew on a course unknown to everyone, including the pilot. His head fell back as he relaxed while staring into the endless blue skies. He smiled softly at a few of the clouds who knew that this was who he really was. They knew the gentle part of his soul. The soul he hid from everyone around him for longer than he could remember.

He frowned slightly at the thought. The farthest back he could remember being was seven and that was just barely. He never revealed his true self to anyone. His whole was of acting was just a facade, a mask that he protected himself with. It was a mask he lost himself in more than once. A mask that hid his pain a took away some of his feelings of freedom and self.

He looked back to one of his only comforts with eyes that were fuzzed from being unfocused. He tried to identify the sadness that was pulling at him. It was like an emptiness that he could never fill. It felt as if there was a piece of himself missing because of, what he assumed to be, his mask. He pulled his knees to his chest as the emptiness increased. It hurt more than any physical wound and only intensified with every lash of harsh words. It didn't matter that people were warming up to him like that girl in the cafeteria if more gave him their loathing.

He wondered if anyone else had ever experienced this pain. Sometimes he felt as if all the feelings had left him and that his heart had nothing left to give him, not even emotion. It was at these times he let the tears he held back fall. He never knew when they started, but they fell without sound and without the fulfillment of true crying. It was like a feeling of hopelessness that didn't exist.

He was pushed to the brink of this feeling again, the one that left you in a pit with almost no light. It made you want to look up in the darkness to the pin-prick of light that kept you going. It was a light he had thought he lost several times.

A splash on his skin forced his eyes to refocus. The soft salt water of his tears against his calloused skin had a strange feeling of roughness as splashed against his collar bone. He was crying, but why? He didn't feel as horrid as he normally did when this happened in the past. He couldn't tell what was wrong.

A dry sob escaped his throat as more tears threatened to fall. The only problem was that he had let them all fall leaving his soul feeling all the more tortured. He almost smiled at the emptiness in him as another pitiful sob escape his lips. He buried his face in his arms and let endless sobs shake him.

"I'm empty," he whispered as a final tear slid down his face, his words almost lost in the soothing breeze that enveloped him before moving past. He never noticed as a quite form slipped back into the Garden halls.

Taking a deep breath he reached to the journal beside him. He opened it, hoping for something, anything. Only one statement was clear to him.

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Dear Journal,

I'm going to tell you something I keep from everyone. I have a great pain inside me that I hide behind the mask of sublime happiness. I feel myself slipping and crying sometimes while I don't feel. I feel a rift within myself that I can never fill or even fill. I'm empty. I'm feel empty. It's as if there is nothing inside me, and yet I go on. With nothing I go on and this shows me that I have nowhere to go. Perhaps one day I'll tell the world, or maybe it will get better in time. But for now I have nothing inside and I have nowhere to go but up.

~Rachel Coley

"I'm empty," he repeated, his words and hers. Seifer stood tall, the red tint from his pain gone leaving his eyes a clear green. "Do you hear that!?" he yelled to nothing and everything at once. "You can't take anything more from me! There is nothing left to take! I have nothing for you and...," his voice dropped. "And I have no where to go but up."

A wave of peace passed through him as he spoke, his coat fluttering in the wind. He could go on now that he knew he wasn't alone. If another, even if it was just one, knew his pain, even if they had never really met, the pain became all the more bearable.

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Star Shadow: I do know that was kind of depressing, but I needed an update and erm... I started writing and it just came to me. This is one of the more serious chapters.

Dark Stratos: We know that this really doesn't fit to well with the story, but it felt needed. I know someone who goes through stages like this.

Star Shadow: I'm one of those people. I'm not feeling like that right now or anything, but the experiences are something I can imagine Seifer or maybe even Squall having.

Dark Stratos: Please read and review. You can even give advice if necessary.


	5. The Revelation

Star Shadow: *Drop kicks her muse*

Dark Stratos: *Soars into the distance*

Star Shadow: *Watches in appreciation* Ah, the sight of that moron becoming a speck on the horizon makes me happy.

Dark Stratos: *Stomps back to his original position* What was that for!?

Star Shadow: You have been neglecting to give me my much-needed inspiration.

Dark Stratos: Well, sorrrry! I'm only human you know!

Star Shadow: *Glares* You are not. Perhaps I should get a new muse.

Dark Stratos: Who'd want to be your muse?

Chibi Soujiro: *Hugs Star's leg and looks up with a smile*

Star Shadow: Oh! How cute! *Picks him up* Would you like to be my new muse?

Chibi Soujiro: Aa... *Sticks finger in his mouth and thanks for a few seconds* Okay!

Star Shadow: *Huggles him* You are now officially my muse!

Chibi Soujiro: Yay! *Throws his arms around her neck*

*Star and Soujiro go off to type*

Dark Stratos: Hey! That's supposed to be me! *Pouts*

Disclaimer: *Runs around in a field of flowers* I'm free! I'm free! I'm free! I'm-- *Sees the intimidating men in black suits and sunglasses looking at her* *Rambles in monotone* I do not in anyway, shape or form own any of the copyrights to Final Fantasy VIII or Rurouni Kenshin. I am making no money off this fan fiction. *Blinks and looks confused* *Continues frolicking through the field* I'm free! I'm free!...

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The Journal

Star Shadow and Dark Stratos

Chapter Five: The Revelation

Seifer stared out the window as Quistis lectured, yet again, on the importance of not leaving GFs junctioned for extended periods of time and how doing so affected you memories of the past. For him, this would be the sixth time he had heard it since he had gotten back. It wasn't very interesting anymore.

A bird flew by the window and he watched it go. _It must be nice out there,_ Seifer thought with a soft amused smile. At one point when he was younger, he had wanted to be a bird. They didn't have bedtimes or responsibilities. He had wanted that then, but he no longer yearned for it as he once did.

At the moment, he just wanted to get out of this world of boredom that had ensnared him. He wanted to be doing something, anything. Something told him that if he didn't do something soon he was going to have a mental breakdown.

As he moved to bang his head on his desk, he spotted an escape. The notebook was sticking out of his desk. It was strange. He thought for sure that he had left it in his dorm. Oh well, as long as he wasn't bored it was for the best. After putting it in his lap where Quistis wouldn't see it he opened it to the page where he had left off.

Seifer was greeted with a page filled with doodles. The interesting characters and strange scribbled looking things that adorned the page were slightly faded, and there was a stain of something that looked like Dr. Pepper of Pepsi covering half the page. Some of her characters had names beside or beneath them. Some of the names within themselves made him want to laugh. He turned the page to look at the next entry.

__

Hello again!

Wow! It's nice to see that you're still reading this thing! Nothing interesting has been going on today or week. It's really boring. I almost wish that school would start up again. Note the word 'Almost'.

I took my sisters swimming today. Some of the lifeguards were staring at me. My sisters and I were the only ones there and all the lifeguards were guys. What a headache. It took me a minute to figure out why they were all staring at me. The reason, drum roll please, was because it was very hot outside and I was wearing black pants. Oh well, it was fun although I never got into the water.

Hey! Guess what! There's someone at the door. Perhaps it's someone interesting. I'll write more later!

~Rachel Coley

Seifer sighed. This wasn't helping very much. He looked at the large scribble at the bottom of the page. It looked like someone had abused the paper to let out a lot of frustration. Curiosity getting the better of him, he turned the page to see another angry scribble at the top of the page. He looked down at the entry below it.

_I now wish I had never gone to the door. My father was there. I really don't like him. He's a very fake person. He tried to come into the house, but I wouldn't let him. He's not even supposed to come here because my mother has a restraining order on him. He wanted to see my sisters, but they went with Mama to go do something. He tried to talk to me, but I can't stand him. I know what he's really like and I know that he isn't as nice as he was acting._

My father is not a kind man, not in the least. When I was younger he used to threaten and beat my mother. Not only that, but he's been a drunk longer than I've been alive. He cusses and goes into rages more than you'll ever know. When we all lived together, he wouldn't come out of the computer room to save his life. He sat around and drank Jackson Daniels all day. He only went to work when it was absolutely necessary.

When I got older, I had to keep him from beating my sisters. I normally sent them to a neighbor's house when he was getting to drunk to remember what he had just said. He never had any friends. He used to beat me too. I normally don't tell people about it, but he makes me so mad. He tries to pretend that it never happened, that he never hit Mama or me. He tries to pretend to be my friend, but in reality, he just wants to control me. He always called Mama a slut too. Now he says he loves her. I know it's not true.

I don't think I can ever accept him again. I've now seen how men are supposed to act, and there's no way that they were supposed to act like that. I see fathers playing with their children and loving their wives genuinely and even walking their dogs instead of putting it in their dryer or kicking it down the stairs. I know it's because of him that I have so little trust for anyone. I can't stand him! I think I think I hate him. I hate him mire than anything in the entire universe.

I'm sorry for anyone reading this. Please forgive me.

~Rachel Coley

After rereading the words once again, Seifer closed the journal in a bit of a shock. He didn't understand. It just didn't make any sense. How did this happen to someone like her? He couldn't see it happening. It just wasn't possible. He ran her words over again through his head as Quistis dismissed the class.

Could anyone really do that to people or animals? How? Why? Was she cold and closed off deep within her heart to keep herself from becoming hurt? His thoughts sped out of control as he passed by Squall without even slinging an insult at him. When he finally realized he was in his room was when he heard a knock at his door.

In almost forced motions, he opened the door only to see a smaller brunette looking up at him. Steely gray-blue eyes looked up at him with a flicker of concern. Squall was standing before him with his features set and arms crossed.

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Star Shadow: Wow! We made a cliffhanger, Sou-chan!

Chibi Soujiro: Yep! Like it?

Star Shadow: *Huggles him* Yes! You're a wonderful muse!

Chibi Soujiro: *Beams* Read and Review! Even Flames are welcome Mina-san!

Dark Stratos: *Glowers at the cute child from Rurouni Kenshin* That's my line...


	6. The Bond

Star Shadow: *pulls out her mallet of doom and thwacks Stratos with it several time in succession* How could you have done that to my chibi muse you -- you jerk!

Dark Stratos: Star! Stop! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Star Shadow: *turns to readers* He KILLED my new muse!!! *continues hitting him*

Dark Stratos: I helped get a new chapter out!!!!

Star Shadow: After a few MONTHS! *thwack* And it doesn't even go well! Why'd you have to kill 'im!?

Dark Stratos: I'm Sorry, OKAY!? I was just jealous!

Star Shadow: *thwack thwack thwack*

Disclaimer: Do you think I honestly own FFVIII? You do? Well then, you need to see a therapist, because I think it's apparent by now that I don't.

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The Journal

Star Shadow and Dark Stratos

The Bond

Seifer stared at the shorter man who was currently occupying his door way. Cold eyes looked at him, as if scrutinizing him for some unknown offence. Seifer could only look into those eyes that he had always found so interesting. He wished his eyes were as different as the ones before him. It was interesting the way blue-gray eyes turned into a brownish-green center with a small jagged line separating the colors. The slight extra color had been nearly impossible to see before Ultemecia's attempt to destroy the space time continuum , but recently it seemed to stand out more.

Squall raised an eyebrow as a question to enter, and Seifer moved aside. After giving a half-hearted glance around the almost empty room, Squall turned to it's occupant who was currently staring at him mutely. This was a bit of an awkward situation for him, and he could almost feel the silent confusion emanating from his rival as he closed the door. He was already starting to get a headache.

"I have some aspirin if you need something."

Seifer's voice snapped him out of his thoughts as he realized he had unconsciously brought his hand up to massage him already pounding temples. He responded with a curt nod and watched the tall blond move to make a small search for the bottle of pills that were so very needed at the moment.

The silence between them was horrid, and the tension could have been easily cut with a butter knife. After handing a glass of water and the pill bottle to him, he was almost shocked to see Squall dump five or six of the 500mg pills into his hand. Was he trying to knock himself unconscious and get sent to the med-ward? Something must have portrayed his thoughts because when Squall looked up at him after downing the last pill he explained himself in the shortest possible manner.

"High tolerance."

"Ah…"

Well that made sense. The guy had to get dozens of headaches with people like Zell, Selphie, Quistis and Rinoa around. The only one that he didn't seem to mind was that Irvine guy, and that was because he almost never bothered him. How Squall did it, he just couldn't comprehend, but it was fairly obvious that it had something to do with his tolerance for painkillers.

Squall put the glass and bottle down on the nearly spotless desk and sat down in it's matching chair. He really didn't know what he wanted to say. He sunk into his own world of thought only to be reawakened by the same person he felt the need to speak to.

"Just tell me what you need to say already. If I got expelled for the past, I got expelled. I didn't expect this to last this long anyway."

Squall looked to the bed where Seifer was currently laying with his arms behind his head and an ankle on a raised knee. When did he move to his bed? Had he really been so out of it that he hadn't noticed? Why did he feel so… so comfortable again?

"Where did you get the idea that you were getting expelled?" he asked before he could stop himself. In response, Seifer just looked at him with a bored expression. "That's not why I'm here."

"Well…" Seifer trailed off, eyes glazing over slightly in thought or memory.

"I was worried," Squall said, his back turned to rival, one of the very few he could stand for extended periods.

"Uh-huh…" Seifer responded in a very disbelieving tone. 

"I haven't heard about you doing anything, and it's strange."

"I don't wasn't to take any chances."

"Whatever…"

The silence was no longer as tense as it had been, in fact, it was actually nice. It was only after a minute or two that Squall chanced a look at the bed. Seifer was just relaxing as if nothing was wrong. He felt the same. It was just as claming as the last time that they had done this, and that had been before Seifer had become the Sorceress' Knight, before the chaos, disillusionment and destruction wreaked they're havoc upon the entirety of the unsuspecting world. That had been the time when he most wished for these sessions that they so rarely had.

He slowly rose from his seat, so as to not disturb the other rooms occupant. He felt better now, and he could not deal with all the stress he had upon his shoulders. The only sound heard as he crossed the room was the soft jingling of his belts hitting one another.

"Leaving so soon?"

"Yeah. Have to, but you can come talk to me if something's bothering you. It's nice to take a break from everything if you just want to unload on someone."

"Thanks. I might take you up on that offer sometime, Leonheart."

Squall left the room without another word. He steeled himself as he left someone in contemplation, yet feeling much better. That person whom he had recently seen for the first time struggling for something that felt more than just lost.

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Star Shadow: *thwack* I really hate you right now Stratos!

Dark Stratos: I'm *thwacked* Sorry!

Star Shadow: If you were confused by that last part, go re-read chapter four. *thwacks* You'll get it.

Dark Stratos: *thwacked* Read and Review *thwacked* or nothing new will come! *thwacked* We're looking for **_40 reviews_** before the next chapter *thwacked* comes out! Come on Star! *thwacked* I'm really sorry! *thwacked*


	7. The Dream

Star Shadow: We did it! We got to 40 reviews! ::throws confetti::

Dark Stratos: It's finally here! But we do have something to say.

Both: Thank You!!!

Star Shadow: We er… worded our stuff wrong in the authors notes… and it took someone actually mentioning it in a review for us to notice.

Dark Stratos: So special thanks to Annoyed Friend for mentioning that. We'll make sure to be clearer in future statements.

Star Shadow: Did you know that while we were waiting to hit 40 reviews, We lost this chapter three different times.

Dark Stratos: And we ripped it… re-did it… ect…

Star Shadow: Yeah… it was pretty sad… And ya wanna know what else is sad?

Dark Stratos: We lost the stupid thing again, so we're now typing this thing from memory.

Star Shadow: Er… Wish us luck?

Disclaimer: ::runs in circles:: WEEEE!!!!!! I'ma fairy princess! To bad I don't own anything. I am the fairy princess of absolutely nothing!

The Journal

Chapter Seven

The Dream

Seifer's exhaustion was almost too much for his body to take, and mental strain pushed at him from every angel with unanswered questions that needed what he couldn't give them. He felt old as he lay on his bed, sorting through his muddled mind. Nothing seemed to make sense. It was now that he didn't want to move, now that he didn't want to sleep, now that he wanted nothing. It was now that he wanted oblivion.

Sleep was all he got as it took over his ravaged mind and body, the body that felt oddly empty again. His sleep was however, far from restful. Images of a girl flashed through his mind with almost too much clarity to be considered a dream. The dream was more like flashes of a distant past, and she was the star of these haunting glances. The girl who had been perched on the railing of the fountain was before his eyes again and again.

In every glimpse that came to him, she turned towards him, looked up at him, or glanced at him. This happened always before the image was taken from him in a split second. Always, one word came from her mouth. "Trinh!" came at him with flashes of near blinding light as more images came to view. It was, to him, overwhelming.

The images stopped abruptly and all he could see was the lower half of a face that looked as pale as ice. It grinned almost menacingly. The word was incredibly slow as it left those lips. A low buzzing sound accompanied the word. "Seifer." The sound quickly reached it's zenith, leaving him near deaf before he woke with a start, sweating cold sweat and panting as though he had just run for miles. As he remembered what he had seen he could only think of one way to possibly explain how clear the images had been. It had to have been a memory of some sort.

The last though, the last image, sent chills down his spine. Unconsciously, he had clutched the sheet to his chest. After managing to loosen a hand he brought it to push the hair from his face, but he left his hand at his hair line. He now wanted to know only one thing: What just happened?

Seifer was almost surprised to find himself reaching for the journal. He wasn't sure why he thought an answer would await him there. He noticed that something seemed different now. Something about this entry seemed sadder.

I met a guy today. He was quiet in a 'leave me alone or die' sort of way. The strange thing was that he doesn't wear black or look punk or gothic, but somehow, he was five times more intimidating. He's my friend Ren's friend, and his name is Trinh. I don't think he likes me at all. It's almost like he hates me.

He stopped reading for a moment to digest what he had just read. Taking a deep breath he forced himself to continue. She knew Trinh.

I'm not sure if he's always like that, but even though he was glaring at everyone, I felt scared. I wasn't scared like I was of my dad, this was a different kind of fear. Now, I'm not even sure why I was scared in the first place.

He's really tall and really skinny to. He's got gray-green eyes and dusty blond hair. At one point I almost wanted to hug him and tell him that whatever he seemed angry about would be okay, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. This is the first time something like this has happened and it only makes me with that I had been braver. I guess that's all I really needed to get out.

Rachel Coley

Although he had been searching for an answer, all he could do was close the notebook thinking that was all he needed. He closed his eyes again and saw an image of the girl bathed in sunlight before he drifted into a peaceful slumber where he wasn't bombarded with more questions that his mind deemed unanswerable.

Star Shadow: ::yawns:: I think that's it. Sheesh! I'm tired…

Dark Stratos: ::puts a blanket on her shoulders:: Well, that was a lot for you to remember considering how long it took to get where we wanted to go.

Star Shadow: ::looks up sounding childish:: I'ma go nappy now?

Dark Stratos: ::actually smiles:: Sure. You go nappy now.

Star Shadow: ::nods off in her typing chair::

Dark Stratos: ::whispering:: Okay, we want to hit over the 50 review mark so people will look at this and think, "Wow… That's getting a lot of reviews! Let's read it too." It gives us inspiration. So PLEASE, read and review, and it you're a first time reader, go back and review all the chapters. It makes Star really excited, even more so that when she just gets one big review.

Star Shadow: ::mumbles something unintelligibly::

Dark Stratos: ::still whispering:: That's all for now. Remember 'READ AND REVIEW'! we also like it when people give us ideas. It's hard to come up with how to get to the end of the fic. And for some odd reason out squiggly lines and asterix's aren't showing up in the prieviews. It this happeneing to anyone else when they write?


	8. The Night

PLEASE REVIEW EVERY CHAPTER!!

* * *

Star Shadow: We have returned!

Dark Stratos: And someone is on a writing spree… ::makes a face at Star::

Star Shadow: I can't help when I get inspiration!

Dark Stratos: Yeah, I know… It depends on the reviews you get, but why are you posting since two of the reviews disappeared?

Star Shadow: I'm updating everything else, so why not?

Dark Stratos: Oh boy…

* * *

Disclaimer: ::holds up a multi-colored piece of paper:: This was the disclaimer telling everyone that we don't own FFVIII and that the only character we own in this story is Rachel, but me and Stratos kinda got into a paintball fight…

* * *

The Journal

Star Shadow and Dark Stratos

Chapter Eight: The Night

* * *

Seifer was exhausted and left with another sleepless night in bed. He and some of the other cadets had been given a mission to defend a small decrepitly old town from a newly developed nest of monsters, and he had been at it for three days with little rest. The monsters were hybrids, and they were violent.

For the past few days Seifer had been trying to figure out where they had some from, but for some reason, he couldn't. He knew that he should have known and something told him that somewhere in the back of his mind he did. This bothered him more than his lack of sleep and the monsters themselves.

There was a nagging feeling at the back of his mind that told him to leave the room. Slowly, quietly, he rose from his makeshift bed in the hotel and slipped on his white trench. He was happy he had gotten it repaired. Putting it on made him feel more protected than having any weapon, including Hyperion.

He wasn't surprised when he walked down the stairs and the two teens that were supposed to be guarding the door fast asleep on chairs on wither side of it. _Amateurs, _Seifer though, as he shook his head. Some of these guys really were rookies. No wonder Squall had wanted him to come. He didn't trust these guys by themselves.

The door swung open slightly, just enough for a person to walk through. It stayed open for a few seconds as Seifer prepared to fight another one of those bizarre monsters, but just as smoothly and quietly as it had opened, it closed. There was a nagging feeling yet again , and he followed it… Right out the door into the light of the full moon.

He knew that it was stupid to go out in the middle of the night all by himself. This was how guys got killed and mutilated beyond recognition except by their dental records. If he was to be subjected to that, he made sure that the others in the hotel wouldn't be by shutting the door tightly and locking it with the spare key the hotel manager had given him. Those two guys were gonna get the fright of their lives when he chewed them out the next morning.

He walked down the dusty streets of Winhill, surprised at the absence of the beasts he had gotten to know so well over the past few days. Maybe they went to sleep too. This didn't, however, keep him from staying on guard. The last thing he needed was for something to kill him because he was daydreaming about cotton candy clouds and rainbows. That would be stupid.

Something, a force of some sort, was leading him. It was disturbing, and he didn't like it. He didn't like not knowing what was going to happen next, and he was getting a nervous fake feeling of sick from it. If this kept up for too long he was going to throw-up. He wasn't ever this nervous, not even when he was sparing with Squall, and that was downright deadly. Why was this situation so different. He wasn't even this nauseous when he was under Ultimecia's control.

Seifer remembered most of what happened now. He wasn't even under his own control when he was fighting for her, and when he had first woken up he could barely remember what he had done. He had only told one person this too. That person was Squall, and he had only told him that because Squall had confided in him about his extreme dislike of Rinoa. That situation with her made him want to laugh. She acted like a princess and Squall was her knight in shining armor with a credit card. The image in his mind made him hold back a laugh.

His mind went back to the monsters. Something must have happened while he was out of it. What if he had helped cause the change in the monsters behavior when he was with the sorceress. The though sent a shiver down his spine in the cool night air. That wasn't what he needed to think about. He needed to concentrate on the here and now. The past was the past and that was that. Or was it?

Rachel. What about her. She was the past, wasn't she? Then why did things about her journal bug him so much? Why did that girl who was in the hall, the girl who fit her description, stick out in his mind so much? Why did he have that dream?

He scolded himself for zoning out again. He hadn't even been watching where he had been going. It one of those monsters had jumped out at him he would have never even noticed until it would have been too late. How stupid could he possibly get?

Fairly stupid, his mind retorted as he realized he was standing in the entryway to a church that he had never seen before. The townspeople hadn't told them about this, and he hadn't found it before when they had been patrolling the area. This could mean one of four things: One, no one knew it was here; Two, the townspeople were protecting it; Three, this was where the monsters were coming from; or Four, he was hallucinating from lack of sleep or he was dreaming.

Taking a deep breath, he touched the slightly rotten wood. He felt it. That meant that he wasn't dreaming, but there were still three other options. Making sure he was still ready for a battle, he pushed open the doors and light piano music danced through the air around him. It was a hauntingly sweet melody, both sad and sweet at the same time.

There was a piano at the far end of the hall bathed in moonlight that stopped just before the pews. The stained-glass window showering it with a blue-ish light, the once vibrant colors now faded away. The nagging came back to him again as he turned to walk away, and after a few steps, it forced him to turn around, and there was now something different about the room. Something that he didn't notice before.

There was a girl at the piano. He knew that someone had to be playing the instrument, but he was not expecting it to be a girl. Cautiously, he walked down the aisle, avoiding every piece of far too rotten wood and uprooted nails. He stopped right where the moonlight hit the ground and lit up the darkness, afraid to enter this girls sanctuary of light.

The music stopped and she looked up at him from behind a pair of glasses, messy brown hair falling around her face and down the back of her long black coat. She smiled as she turned on the bench, legs swinging in an immature fashion, hands between her legs. Wasn't this the girl he'd seen before?

"Hullo!" she said with a bright smile, her eyes closing, head tilted slightly to the side.

"Hi," he said, unsure of what to say to someone who seemed to strange and out of place. Not that he wasn't out of place. In fact, he shouldn't have even been out of the hotel.

"It's a nice night, huh Seifer?" she asked looking back at the moon over her shoulder.

"Yeah, it's nice, but I really should be getting back," he said looking over he shoulder and out the door. He could see the town from here. He meant to turn around and tell how sorry he was for being rude, but when he turned back to her, she and the beauty of the moonlight piano was gone.

What stood in it's place were broken windows, and an old piano with missing keys and broken strings. The only thing out of place, the only thing that showed anything had happened, was the pristine white sheet music standing where it could be read and played.

He took a step forward, the glass cracking further under his weight. He suddenly didn't care. When he stood before the piano's broken bench, he looked at the music, the melody she had been playing.

"Staff4 Ending Credits," he read aloud as he picked up the music.

He glanced at the pages. This wasn't children's music, this was the hard stuff. He doubted even Elone and Edea's ability to play it at a glance, but if this was the same song that girl had been playing…

The bottom on the last page caught his eye. There were a few drops of dark brown on the page. They were the color of dried blood.

It was still dark when Seifer went back to the town with the music.

* * *

Star Shadow: Yay! for an uber-strange chapter

Dark Stratos: ::sounds horrified:: Where the hell did this come from!?

Star Shadow: ::shrugs:: I dunno. I was hoping you could tell me that.

Dark Stratos: Oh dear God… Please… Just read and review. We want a lot of reviews. We actually want one of our stories to hit 100 reviews. We think that would be cool.

Star Shadow: Don't worry though, we're only waiting to hit 65 reviews before we update this one, so all you readers out there who haven't been reviewing, I hope you're up for a long wait 'cause you guys have been slacking.

Dark Stratos: We want reviews Damn it! And if you've stopped reading the story It would be great if you could tell us. Then we would expect a little less from you…

Star Shadow: But Stratos! Some of these people get alerts when we post new stuff! Why won't they review!?

Dark Stratos: I don't know Star. I don't know.

Star Shadow: We're giving our cookies to anyone who can guess what the music was from, but you have to guess in the review!! We love you all!


	9. The Music

Dark Stratos: This fic is the most taxing thing we ever type. I have no idea why, but it's incredibly hard to do.

Star Shadow: No kidding. I keep telling myself I'll do it, but I can never follow through.

Dark Stratos: It's bad enough we were on writers block so long that we had to scrap the chapter every time we started it, but after we finished it… GAH!! We've actually been trying to come up with something ever since the same weekend we posted the last chapter. We somehow got enough reviews in one day to start writing/posting the new chap.

Star Shadow: We just kept trying and nothing worked for writing it. You people should love finals. We were so bored that we came up with a chapter. A mildly pathetic chapter, but hey… Whatcha gonna do?

Dark Stratos: I know what I'm gonna do it your mom doesn't stop singing 'My Baby Does The Hanky Panky' soon!

Star Shadow: Er… On with the fic! Heh heh…

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Disclaimer: Please refer to the other chapters. If we didn't own FFVIII then, why in the name of the seventh level of the unholy hell would we own it now?

* * *

The Journal

Star Shadow and Dark Stratos

Chapter Nine: The Music

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Edea smiled at the music in her hands before looking back up to Seifer who was currently sitting across her kitchen table. He'd grown so much since the last time she'd seen him like this. It wasn't physical growth mind you; he just seemed to have matured. She smiled again, the action causing Seifer to smile as well, and across the table she saw not only this Seifer, but also the image of the young child she helped raise.

"Matron?" he asked, snapping her from her thoughts of the older days when she and Cid raised a house full of children.

"I'm sorry, Seifer," she said, feeling bad for not paying attention to what he had said. "Could you repeat that?"

"I asked if you could play the music," he said, pouting slightly. Ah… The more things changed the more they stayed the same.

"I could," she said, looking over the pages again, "but I don't think I'd be able to play it correctly. This isn't the most difficult music I've ever seen, but it's far from easy."

"Oh…" was all he said as she slid the pages back across the table. His face had fallen slightly, but he didn't look too disappointed for some odd reason. "I'm sorry to bother you, Matron."

When he looked down at the pages in his hands, Edea knew something was wrong with the teen other that the fact that she couldn't easily play the sheet music in his hands. He looked lost in thought, staring at the page before him as if it were some kind of puzzle he couldn't solve. In a way, she was correct, but the pages were really just a small piece of a much larger puzzle that came in the form of a journal, a girl and something that he couldn't seem to put his finger on. Something like the dried blood at the bottom of the last page of the music.

Looking up, Seifer saw Edea looking at him curiously, as if she could read his mind and he smiled, beginning to tuck the pages back into the journal. Seifer trusted his Matron and he knew why she looked at him with that small amount of worry in the back of her eyes. He had told her --she promised to keep it a secret after all-- about how he had found the journal. He had told her about everything that had happened since he had returned to the Garden after he had found out she now lived in Balamb. She had held him just like she had when he was younger, with his head in her lap, after his first attempt to tell her what he had been about to do right before he found the journal. She had been quiet and attentive through his story.

"Matron?" he asked, not looking up from where he sat in his chair. "You believe me, don't you?" he asked, feeling like a child again as a wave of uneasiness flooded over him as he realized he had never asked her if she thought he was lying. He still didn't understand how she managed to bring out the little boy he thought he'd buried six feet under out.

"I do," she said, surprising him with a smile. "And I'm going to have to find a special way to thank that girl."

Seifer smiled just as someone knocked on the door. A knock wasn't really the best way to describe it. It was more like a continuous beating on the door. And as the pounding continued, Edea rose from her chair, still as graceful as ever, to answer the door.

A loud voice removed Seifer from his happy place just as soon as he got there.

"Matron!" Zell whined. Didn't he have a mother he could whine to? "You wouldn't believe what Irvine said to me today! That guy is such an ass!"

Seifer stood, not wanting to sit in the same room as the overly energetic teen, remembering how much hate shone in his eyes when he had first been re-admitted to the Garden. He collected his things quickly, and after picking up his coat and the journal and headed for the door as Edea and Zell entered. He bowed slightly to Edea, coat in his arms.

"You're leaving already?" Edea asked, smile faltering. Zell just looked shocked.

"I'm sorry, Matron," Seifer said. "I promise to come visit again soon."

Zell watched, still gaping as Seifer passed, not sure what he wanted to think about the older teen. Edea's door closed with a click.

"You know Zell," Edea said, looking at the still shocked blond. "This could be one of the reasons--" she stopped herself. He didn't need to know Seifer's secret, and besides, she had promised not to tell.

"M-Matron?"

"Never mind Zell."

Seifer walked through the town, surprised at how little it had changed as he headed to the town's entrance, pulling on his jacket. He had a feeling that something was out to happen. Seifer opened the journal as he walked down the asphalt road that lead to the Garden, He smiled as eh read about Rachel's sisters latest adventure in trying to catch their new dog when they'd let him out in the backyard and how Ren and Trinh had come over to visit. It wasn't anything major, but it still made him want to smile.

Edea's eyes widened as she stopped, yet again, mid-sentence. Zell noticed it too. The piano was being played, but they were the only ones in the house. The sad melody floated around them. Edea stood, staring at the door of the room where she kept her piano, Zell following her as she moved towards the door. He wasn't about to let his Matron open the door and get hurt.

The entries flew by as he walked. Trinh had been visiting her more often, but so had her father. That man seemed to get worse and worse as time went on. The more information he found out about her father, the more he seemed to despise the man. He stopped as he read one more line, closing the journal with a snap. It felt wrong to read anymore. What kind of man beat his wife and children?

Zell opened the door and the music stopped. Edea stared, shocked into silence. No one was there…

* * *

Star Shadow: Oooohhhh! Creepy!!

Dark Stratos: This was so hard to type. You people have no idea what it's like working with her. She has to get up every few minutes to run around or jump on her bed or dance or just do something. She started doing laundry people! LAUNDRY!!!

Star Shadow: It's not my fault that I can't stay still! ::fidgets::

Dark Stratos: Whatever… Read and Review…


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